Atheist Creed

We believe in Marxfreudanddarwin.

We believe everything is OK

as long as you don't hurt anyone

to the best of your definition of hurt, 

and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before, during, and after marriage.

We believe in the therapy of sin.

We believe that adultery is fun.

We believe that sodomy is OK.

We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everthing's getting better

despite evidence to the contrary.

The evidence must be investigated

and you can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there's something in horoscopes,

UFO's and bent spoons.

Jesus was a good man just like Buddha,

Mohammed, and ourselves.

He was a good moral teacher though we think

His good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same--

at least the one that we read was.

They all believe in love and goodness.

They only differ on matters of 

creation, sin, heaven, hell, God, and salvation.

We believe that after death comes Nothing

Because when you ask the dead what happens they say nothing.

If death is not the end, if the dead have lied,

then it's compulsory heaven for all

excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Khan.

We believe in Masters and Johnson.

What's selected is average.

What's average is normal.

What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.

We believe there are direct links between

warfare and bloodshed.

Americans should beat their guns into tractors.

And the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.

It's only his behavior that lets him down.

This is the fault of society.

Society is the fault of conditions.

Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him.

Reality will adapt accordingly.

The universe will adjust. History will alter.

We believe that there is no absolute truth

excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds,

And the flowering of individual thought.

If chance be the Father of all flesh,

disaster is his rainbow in the sky,

and when you hear

State of Emergency!

Sniper Kills Ten!

Troops on Rampage!

Whites go Looting!

Bomb Blasts School!

It is but the sound of man worshipping his maker.

Steve Turner, English journalist. Cited by Richard E. Simmons III in Reflections on the Existence of God, pgs. 39-41