Praise Must Be Earned

A child who learns to read, who can do mathematics, who can play the piano or baseball will have a true sense of accomplishment and an appropriate sense of self-esteem.  Schools that fail tot teach reading, writing, and arithmetic corrupt the proper understanding of self-esteem.  Educators who say “Don’t grade them, don’t label them.  You have to make them feel good about themselves” cause the problems.  It makes no sense for students to be full of self-esteem if they are empty of knowledge.  Reality will soon puncture their illusions, and they will have to face two disturbing facts: (1) that they are ignorant, and (2) that the adults responsible for teaching them have both failed them and lied to them.  In the real world, praise has to be the reward for something worthwhile; praise must be connected to reality.

Paul C. Vitz, "Psychology As Religion: The Cult of Self-Worship," p.18